Fair warning: This post is entirely about wrestling, so I understand if you want to skip this one.  I swear the next post will be about  something funny Brody did or a book that might change your life. But today, it’s Royal Rumble Sunday. Everything is about wrestling today.

Also, I’ve added some results, so beware if you haven’t watched & plan on it. 

We’re very excited about our Royal Rumble snacks! And, yes, I did hand paint myself a Women’s Champion apron. Because I’m cool.

Guys, the Royal Rumble is only a few hours away and I honestly couldn’t be more excited. I adore the Royal Rumble. It’s even fun to say. Royal. Rumble. In my book, next to WrestleMania (which I get to go to this year!!) and the Stanley Cup Playoffs, there’s not a sports-type event that’s better. It’s awesome because of the Rumble itself of course, but it’s also exciting because it kicks off WrestleMania season (yes, it gets a whole damn season in my house) and, as I mentioned, I have a vested interest in WrestleMania this year.

Even when the Rumble is bad, it’s still good. As was the case last year. Things went south real fast when Roman Reigns ended up alone in the ring even though everyone knew that was what was going to happen. That was most of the problem last year actually. Added to the fact that Daniel Bryan was there and if Bryan is there people want him to win. Wrestling matches. Beauty pageants. Doesn’t matter, if he’s there people are going to get pissed if he doesn’t win. This year, there’s a chance that it will be equally as predictable and Reigns will, again, be standing alone in that ring at the end of the night, but there’s also an excellent chance it won’t. Daniel Bryan won’t be there (or will he?) and for once there are more than two obvious winners to this thing. Intriguing! So, I give you my picks (for some of the matches, at least). I’m sure you’re dying of suspense.

United State Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs. Kalisto. Please, please, please let it be Kalisto. I literally banged my head against the wall (ask Justin, he’ll confirm) when I heard Del Rio’s music hit at Hell In a Cell. Lucha! Lucha! Lucha

Winner: Kalisto!!!

Divas Championship: Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch. They’ve actually done a really good job with this storyline lately, and Becky winning would just add another layer to it. Plus, have you heard the woman’s puns? Give her the title based on those alone!

Winner: Charlotte. But The Boss is back. Awesome. 

Tag Team Championship: The New Day vs. The Usos. Brody has been cheering on The New Day since day one. The McGills are all in on The New Day.

Winner: The New Day. Brody danced.

Intercontinental Championship: Dean Ambrose vs. Kevin Owens. I drink my coffee out of a Dirty Deeds mug while wearing my Ambrose hoodie, so clearly I will always root for him when given the chance. That said, I like Owens too and will be absolutely fine with either one winning. If this feud goes onto WrestleMania, I’ll be completely happy, so for tonight I’ll just enjoy watching two grown men beat the hell out of each other. You know, like ladies do.

Winner: Ambrose. As promised they did indeed beat the hell out of each other. And it was spectacular. 

Royal Rumble, Heavyweight Championship Match. While the smart money (yes, people do actually bet on this stuff) would be on Reigns to retain and Brock Lesnar is always a good call, my pick is Bray Wyatt. A week ago, I didn’t even have him in my final four, but now I’m convinced he’s winning tonight. And that I’m seeing Brock Lesnar vs. Bray Wyatt in Dallas. And that thought makes me very, very happy.

Winner: We all got in our time machines & went back to 1999 apparently because… Triple H won. But Ambrose was in the final two. And I still think I’ll get to see Lesnar vs. Wyatt. Now can we just skip Fastlane & go straight to WrestleMania please?

For the maybe three people that got all the way through this (um, congrats? sorry?), I’ll update this with who actually won at the end of the night. So, yeah, spoiler alert.