Saturday, Feb. 13, 2 p.m.

Me: “Do you want your Valentine’s candy today or tomorrow?”

Justin: “Shit, you said we weren’t going to get each other anything.”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry, I bought some for myself too.”

And that just about sums up the effort we now, and have pretty much always, put into the holiday known as Valentine’s Day.

My distaste for Valentine’s Day started pretty early on. At this point, you’ve most likely read my description of my teenage self, so you can probably figure out why on your own. Even after I got a “valentine,” (Ugh. The word, not the person.) I still had trouble figuring out what all the fuss was about. It’s just a day in February. And it’s cold to boot. Who wants to even leave the house? And I don’t want my pizza or steak shaped like a heart.

The holiday has one redeeming quality as far as I’m concerned: the abundant supply of truffles available. Seriously, they’re everywhere. Anytime I can get truffles at a gas station can’t be all bad. But the romantic pressure and expectations, no thanks.

We usually end up just putting what we’d spend on Valentine’s gifts we don’t really want toward something we do. Of course, this year it’s WrestleManina (everything is about WrestleMania this year), but it’s usually a movie or concert with a kick ass meal at a later date and we’re always just as happy. Probably happier. And we’re not 36-year-olds stuck with stuffed animals and heart covered boxer shorts. We also get to avoid the huge crowds of people out attempting to have the perfect Valentine’s dinner. So, my old married woman advice toward Valentine’s Day is simple: save your money and spend it on something you both actually want (unless you both want stuffed animals, then this is your day! Live it up!). Also, maybe stock up on the truffles because they’re just damn delicious.

P.S. If you happen to be a guy reading this (I know, highly unlikely) you probably want to check with the actual woman in your life before implementing this advice.