Earlier this week I was given the helpful (or I’m sure he thought it was) advice that if I would just get up earlier every morning I would be a happier person. I resisted the urge to laugh in his face and tell him the only reason I hadn’t just thrown something at him was the extra 20 minutes of sleep I managed to catch. Instead I politely chuckled, conducted our business and wished him a good day. Because I’m a lady. And also because it was clear what I was dealing with: a morning person.

Let me say right off the start that I am not anti morning people. You want to wake up before God intended, that’s totally your prerogative. It’s a lifestyle I’ll never understand, but who am I to judge? I don’t understand running when your life’s not in danger or not drinking coffee either. However, I have heard my best friend discuss something called “mile times” and my husband himself is anti-coffee. As long as she doesn’t buy me a subscription to Runner’s World and he doesn’t hide my Tim Hortons, I’m going to let them lead their lives.

The best I can tell, most people who pick sleep over watching for the sun to rise have no actual problem with morning people. Just let us sleep and most of us don’t care if you decide to completely repaint the house before dawn, but you’re going to have to wait a few hours if you want our help. And that’s where the problem lies.

Morning people simply cannot fathom not being morning people. It’s just not in their DNA. And they want to convert us late sleepers because, well, we annoy them.

I have a lovely mother who is a complete morning person and my father and I have been driving her absolutely crazy since the late ’70s. She’ll back me on this. Her idea of sleeping in is honestly 6 a.m. 6 a.m.! My father’s idea of sleeping in is more like 2 p.m. I fall somewhere in between. My co-workers are also morning people. If they had their druthers the office would open around 5 a.m.  whereas I have been pushing a 10 a.m. start time for years. None of us are any closer to convincing the others.

And fine, I will admit that I can marginally see the allure of being an early riser. My life would indeed probably be easier since the world is just not made for us who like to get up at a reasonable hour. And I really have tried to be a morning person, but it’s just not to going to happen. No amount of meditation, churching, exercise or double caffeinated coffee is going to turn me into one. Hell, I still need all of those things to simply leave the house and get where I’m going (almost) on time everyday.

Trust me, we don’t mean to offend. We’re just tired, because it’s too damn early. And I know you don’t believe this but acceptance (or just ignoring us all together) is honestly the easiest answer for everybody. We’re all human beings here. It’s like I tell my co-workers at least once a week: “I’m not a monster. I just want to sleep until 7 a.m.”