Hey, hi. Everyone ok? Great.
Oh, me? I’m fine, just trying to figure out how on Earth it’s
September. October. November!
Because, guys, IT’S NOVEMBER. (I actually did start writing this in September. I just haven’t been great about finishing things lately. Shocking, I know.)
Summer came & went before I even knew it was here.
We had zero pool parties, watched zero movies on the outside projector and I took exactly one nap on the deck. And I had sleep paralysis during it. I didn’t even nap correctly this summer.
And now its already snowed.
(Even though it was 66 degrees when I mowed the yard the day before. I’m sure it’s fine. Gulp.)
The summer season got away from me a little more than normal despite it being the first time in recent memory that both Justin & I only had one job a piece. It should have been the Summer of Emily, but quickly went the way of the Summer of George.
I got things started and then just never finished them. Constantly. Most of my garden plans, exercise routines, books, housework…. I had big plans but no follow through.
It’s a common pattern of mine & one I’m desperately trying to break.
The problem lies in the fact that managing to break this habit would mostly benefit me – I get things done if they’re for somebody else. I despise letting other people down. When it comes to myself, however, I’m much more primed for disappointment.
See, despite an amazing, encouraging set of parents & husband, when it comes to self-esteem I really try to be Lizzo, but am much more Liz Lemon.
It’s something I’ve never been particularly great with & adulthood with it’s weight gains/losses, skin issues & general worries hasn’t done much to improve it.
But I’m finally really, really trying to work on it.
A new decade is right around the corner and I’m very tired of constantly worrying about every awkward thing I’ve ever said or feeling sorry for myself that I don’t seem to have as many friends as everyone else. I mean, I’m a grown woman who chooses to talk mostly about wrestling & rocks. My people are clearly going to be a niche group at best.
So, here’s to fewer self-esteem based meltdowns & unfinished projects & maybe more B12 & checked off to-do lists in this next decade. I’m never not going to be awkward, but maybe it’s finally time that I can stop fretting about it.